The Perks of Marrying into the NFL 

With the 8th pick in this year’s draft, the Fins took Ryan Tannehill, a QB from Texas A&M.  Momentslater, the Twitterverse selected Lauren Tannehill (Ryan’s wife) as the number one pick in its “Draft Involving Chicks We’re Going to Creep on Today.”  The lovely Mrs. Tannehill happens to be a model, so this level of exposure was probably a welcome perk of being married to a hot draft prospect, although, even without going through the tweets, I can assume many of them were quite unwelcome. 

That’s the Internet for you.  

 (Wait, let me rephrase that.  The Internet shouldn’t take the blame here.  How about:  “The Internet doesn’t creep on people, anonymous dudes creep on people.” 

 Eh, it’ll do.) 

Anyhow, by virtue of being attached to a baller, Mrs. Tannehill gets a nice career bump.  It also doesn’t hurt that many consider her quite a goddess.  If you look at her pic in the article linked above, however, she’s definitely human.  She has a flaw: a sleepy eye on the left side.  Which leads me to wonder:  

Lauren – did you get a temporary Bell’sPalsy freshman year in college, like I did, by suffering a head trauma while drunkenly wrestling your buddy?  Was half your face paralyzed, too?  Did you have trouble rinsing after brushing your teeth?  Were you unable to drink from a straw?  Did you keep winking at your freshman philosophy professor, because the muscles in half your face were half-paralyzed, and only one eye was blinking, creating the impression that you were making a pass at him every 5 seconds, as if you were trying to set some sort of bizarre record? 

(‘Cuz I did.  We should be buddies, if so!) 

Anyhow, dear ladies and readers of other genders (assuming you exist), if you want to be like Mrs. Tannehill and hook up with a baller, you should check out PlayerWives, a site devoted to professional sports players and the ladies that love them. 

Tell me something about football, already! 

You can’t drill the QB after he releases the ball, or you get a penalty for “roughing the passer.” But, “It’s football,” you say, “Aren’t passers supposed to be ‘roughed?’”  Not after the get rid of the ball.  This penalty can be hard to avoid, though.  A rusher will often have too much momentum as he pressures a QB who hasn’t gotten rid of the ball yet to stop after the ball is gone.  Here’sTannehillgettinghitasplit-secondaftertheballisgone, resultinginaflagagainsttherusher.  Herbstreit criticizes the call.  You be the judge.  Could you have stopped from nailing Mr. Lauren Tannehill here?   

Alright, I have to go roll in rusty nails to recover my manhood.  See you next week!